The clock ticks... Every moment burns another minute, every minute drives me nearer to the time before I have to go back to camp again...

I'm pathetic..

I can't even live the dream that I started out in the first place...

Command school what shit... I can't even stand Basic Military Training... How on earth can I lead people to live the life I hate so much?

This week will be the 16 km route march...

=/

Another severe test of my endurance...

... sigh...

Misery....

I wanna go home...
I wanna stay home...

I really hate army life... =(

I wonder if it could get any better, or worse... for that matter...

I sprained my leg while doing the Standard Obstacle Course, got a severe drug allergy which I didn't know of, got deported to Changi General Hospital A&E and got attend C...

I wondered if I was going to die..

=(

Life in the army is not the type of life I could ever live with...

I have people I love outside,
I have friends, I have family...

Inside, everybody is so demoralized and depressed that it seems like a confinement camp then anything else...

I know the commanders try to cheer people up,
some of the soon-to-be leaders try to lift people up..

But the majority of us just wants to carry on with our lives...

Life is MISERABLE there...

M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E!!!

the complete lack of freedom, space, time to do anything you want...
the feeling of complete drainage of energy at the end of the day...
the shadow of hopelessness knowing that its going to be a tougher day the next day...

why?

why??

is it a rite of course that Singaporeans must go through?

Protecting the country is a must, but why this way?

Can't the country first instill patriotism before subjugation?



Pain..
I can't walk properly now...
Aches jut up my leg at irregular intervals...


I was lucky not to get a fracture....

But how many else might not be so lucky?

Losing a leg, an arm, a spine for Singapore... Is this the price that is considered?


Army...


I'm utterly depressed and miserable..
I just want to get out and live a normal civilian life...

Which citizenship is worth it to be subjected to such a life?

Two years.


Its enough to make me cry..


I just wanna go home and be in your arms again...



*cries badly*

------------------

Michael Buble - "Home"

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home


-------------------

FYP submission is 20 days away....

My facilitator gave me some good news yesterday, I dont have to write a report on my FYP since my project itself forms part of the report. Thats good, otherwise I have to write another 7000 word explaining the report again which is a complete waste of time.









Im just wondering...why do couples in a relationship sometimes reject acts of love from each other? Its always the case where A travels to meet B with the intention of just seeing him/her and ends up being scolded because his actions were "pointless". Maybe its "pointless" because there isnt a strong reason supporting A's action, but must every of A's act of love have a strong point or an agenda to be carried out?



The very reason why A travels to meet B in the first place is simply because of pure love. Not because he is feeling bored or having too much time. And often, A ends up feeling hurt when he gets scolded for showing his love.



Couples should learn to appreciate acts of love from each other even if they dont seem to have a point. Its about receiving and giving and not rejecting. Rejecting and scolding the person sends a wrong message to the other party that he isnt being appreciated and leads to misunderstandings. When it comes to love freely receive as you give. =D

























*hugs tightly* I love you dear...dont scold me too sternly again k?

Epilogue to the worst of BMT

Okay. So apparently the worst is over...

- Field Camp
- SITTEST
- Rifle Range

Thank God for His protection in every one of these tests..
=)











sigh... I miss you so...
Why must it be this way,
Hurts so much to be away from you..

I love you so much..
I may not be very expressive,
but I do love you..

I love you very much dear..

*hugs extremely tight*

3rd Week of Nightmares

Ok. The field camp nightmare is over....
The next week is also another pretty nightmarish...

1) Firing Range
2) Situational Test

Basically, this month of November is the nightmare of BMT for me...

Dear God,
Only 3 things I ask this week

- Help me go through the Firing Test very smoothly, I don't need to get marksman or anything... just let me go through it without problems

- Help me endure the 12 km route march to the SITTEST site...

- Keep me safe this week

please dear God... only one more week to go, before the storm settles...
please....
please..

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Field Camp Explicitives

I've finished field camp...
Explicit descriptives would not be able to even hint at the conditions that we were put through...

Of course, any NS guy would tell you, "Its nothing lah, wait till you go into unit or Command School then you know".

then I'd give them the *blank* stare and a middle finger and list out these points.

1) My field camp is right smack in the middle of the Eastern Monsoon Season.

2) My OC is a highly pro-field-camp commander, to prove my point, every single person who missed even one small event in the field camp will have to re-do that particular part of the field camp, or worse still - redo field camp. - yes. every. single. person. which includes those dick pain leg pain, attend C, measles, funerals etc.

3) While every other company gets to dig trenches on freshly dug and soft ground, my company has to dig our trench IN THE MIDDLE OF AN OIL PALM PLANTATION, on UNTOUCHED SOIL.

4) The *smack* *splat* *squelch* sound that you hear when you hear "halt!" or "contacted!", and the sick feeling in your stomach when you realized that you didn't tighten your boots tight enough.


But God is good. All the time.
And I really thank my heavenly Father for answering all my prayers at the right time...

I asked for a few things, and only after the field camp did I realize that God gave abundantly and bountifully.

- I asked that something would happen to me, and cause me to be unable to take the field camp.
~ If God had answered that prayer, I would be doomed to have to re-take field camp again under a probably more hostile condition.

- I asked that my hunger will be filled during that camp, despite the sever stomachache I had after consuming the field rations
~ It came in the form of a surprise batch of Deepavali celebration goodies, and on the second last day, fresh rations even.

- I asked that there would be good weather during the field camp.
~ The weather seemed to be sucky while we were conducting field camp, but looking back at it, the weather was a god-sent! Because it only drizzled lightly for most of the days, during the inconsequential times.
And when it did rain extremely heavily for one particular night, we were, prior to that, mobilized for shelter already.
And, if not for the light rain fall that fell occasionally during the 6 days, we would have a hellish times digging our trench, because the rain softened the soil considerably.
Finally, the moment we stepped back at company line, there was a massive downpour shortly after that lasted for more then ten hours. And it rained everyday very heavily for the next few days.

- I asked God not to let me take more then I could bear
~ He made me finish field camp.



God is good, and I trust Him to guide me throughout my life..

=)